Frank Thring, known around the world as the King of Kink, delivers a tantalizing tale of mistaken identities as two glamorous Hollywood actresses, played by Dru Berrymore and Harmony Grant, are plunged into the whirlwind that is the Cannes Film Festival. The women, one representing mainstream movies and the other from the world of adult films, have been invited by different producers. Kevin Long, a French producer, somehow confuses the two and introduces the naive Harmony to the contingent of perversely passionate fetish fanatics – much to her own chagrin, she seems to relish the confusion!
Scene Breakdown
Scene 1. Dru Berrymore, Vanessa Freeman, Frank Gun
Scene 2. Harmony Grant, Dick Nasty, Kevin Long
Scene 3. C.G. Summer, Nicole Thompson, John Walton
Scene 4. Caroline Cage, C.G. Summer, Nikky Blond, John Walton, Kevin Long
Scene 5. Harmony Grant, Kevin Long, Rob Scott
Scene 6. Caroline Cage, Harmony Grant, C.G. Summer, Nicole Thompson, Nikky Blond, Dick Nasty, Frank Gun, John Walton, Kevin Long, Rob Scott
Review by Darkmage
The Plot:
Wow! Just think of the possibilities behind not just Confusion, but Double Confusion! Think of the possible outcomes of mistaking a mainstream actress for a porn actress! Think of the fun watching people mistake a porn actress for a mainstream actress! Think of the potential! Think how much fun Double Confusion is going to be! Now think again.
This plot sucks elephant hemorrhoids. We start with our “mainstream” actress being invited to the Cannes Film Festival. The same guy who invites her to the festival also invites a porn star that specializes in master/slave porn movies. As you can guess, the guy who is supposed to pick up the porn star at the airport picks up the wrong one. Hey, I can fully sympathize. How many bleach-blonde artificially inflated women in skintight latex miniskirts do you know who are not porn stars? As they drive off into the haze of Cannes’ polluted air, we see the porn star stalk through the airport looking for her ride and then she drops out of the movie forever.
While showing her the sights, our intrepid tour guide steps out, in the middle of the French Countryside, to take a leak. While she’s alone in the car, a random native French person (who for some reason speaks unaccented English) wanders up and tries to get into the car. Finding the doors locked, he whips his dick out and starts beating it against the car. Our heroine, instead of honking the horn or screaming her head off like any normal actress, starts to masturbate for him. If that’s not enough, her guide returns from his draining experience and joins this stranger in masturbating onto the driver’s door. Is this the French version of Deliverance?
Remember our director who’s trying to shoot a porn movie? He naturally needs to work out the rest of the cast for his epic masterpiece. Well, he has to work on the cast at least. One of his regulars brings in a couple other girls to audition. This set up is so lame that I don’t even want to think about it. We join our young actress and her tour guide as they go to meet the director that invited her to Cannes. He’s in the middle of making his next movie that involves a couple of very young ladies, a rather handsome actor, tight latex and a swimming pool. Our actress is, of course, shocked, appalled, intrigued, horny and ultimately wants to star in the next scene. Of course, no actress gets into these films without an audition. So she dresses the part and “convinces” the director that she can suck & fuck like the pros. Gee… I wonder why a woman with a large inflated chest and tight skimpy clothing can compete with professional porn actresses. Do you think she could be one of them? Heavens, no! That would be a conspiracy!
And thus ends the last scrap of plot for this film. Oh god, this was so lame. It has been said that if a million monkeys typed away at a keyboard for a million years that eventually they would reproduce the complete works of William Shakespeare. This plot? Ten monkeys, five minutes.
The Cast:
Our leading lady today is Harmony Grant playing the mainstream actress seduced by the world of the adult movie. Forget it, she can’t pull it off. She looks like a porn star. Playing the part of anything else is just not going to fly. You will snort in disbelief as she stands on a balcony and tells her agent “I don’t do nudity.” What? If you don’t do nudity, why did you get your boobs inflated? She also appears to be significantly older than anyone else on the set. If you like ’em young and fresh, then Harmony is probably not going to be your first choice. I do not mean to be disparaging, but she is not the best looking woman in the business. On the lighter side, she looks fabulous in the latex outfits that she somehow squeezes those mammaries into. My current theory is that she takes some Sears weatherbeater latex paint and just sprays her clothing on. Hey, one coat covers.
Harmony’s adult actress counterpart is played by Dru Barrymore. She does a very good job with the dominatrix act and she looks great no matter what she’s doing. I could almost swear that she has the most dialogue of anyone in the film. Her accent peaks through slightly and it gives her a nice exotic flair on top of the knee-high boots and red latex. The rest of the cast is up to Private’s standards, which is to say they are all young, all slim and all good lookers. Nicole Thompson, Niki Blond, Vanessa Freeman, Caroline Cage, and Katalin. Not a bad looking girl in the bunch. Sexually, they all do pretty well, but you can’t help but shake the nagging feeling that these gals get it up the ass so much that they could sleep through it. These gals, while competant, are pretty far down on the passion scale. But damn, do they look good doing it!
I wish I could say the same for the men. Chief among my list of offenders is Dick Nasty. Ugh. His name says it all. Kevin Long plays our native French Tour guide. John Walton, Frank Gunn and Rob Scott round out the mix. No, I haven’t heard of any of them before, but thankfully none of them are eyesores.
The Sex:
Private has always had a reputation for great sex using great bodies and they don’t disappoint. Our first offering is during the creation of a nasty little three-way between Dru Barrymore, Vanessa Freeman and Frank Gunn for the camera. You have to admire the outfits because it is all tight latex, nut-huggers, miniskirts and high heels. Oh, Frank is wearing a leash, too. Dru is the dominant one here and she plays the role to the hilt. Definitely a neat departure from most of the adult cinema you see these days. While the editing is inconsistent, it’s not too distracting. You occasionally see the camera crew doing the filming, sometimes you get the to see what their cameras see, and occasionally you see the girl waiting in the wings as her partner goes to town on Frank. Overall, this was a very charged scene and it looks great. Both girls get Frank’s unit anally and there is a great shot of Dru doing some very athletic standing action.
You better get used to it because all of the girls in this movie get it anally. Without exception. That is a lot of ass.
Okay, get this. You’re a young, very blonde woman in a foreign country. (Scratch that. Harmony isn’t all that young) Your tour guide (Kevin Long) takes you to a deserted spot in the middle of the woods and steps out to take a whiz. While you are sitting in the car, this strange man walks out from the woods and starts to bang his dick against the side of the car. What do you do? Scream? Honk the horn? Use the cell phone to call the police? Hell no! You lean back in your seat and start to masturbate. For someone who doesn’t do nudity, she certainly seems to get naked at the drop of the hat. Despite the fact that the ogre banging his johnson against the passenger door is Dick Nasty, Harmony does a pretty good job with this semi-solo scene. Especially when her guide comes back and decides to bang his dick against the other side of the car. She does a pretty good job of teasing her audience with movements and she does a great job when they spurt on the windows. Is this some sort of French pastime that I’m not aware of? What do they call it? Auto- eroticism? “Hey, Pierre! The tourists have come back to town! What should we masturbate on today? I prefer BMW, they have heated wing mirrors.”
Ah, next up is the infamous casting couch. Apparently, the way our director gets his actresses is that one of his regular girls (Nicole Thompson) goes out recruiting and brings them in for an interview. I need a friend like this. Especially when she comes back with women the likes of Katalin and Caroline Cage. Once again, Private somehow finds the most gorgeous women to put on display for us. The director (Kevin Long) and the actor (John Walton, I think) get to try out the new talent. What follows is an orgy that is particularly good. Again, the costuming department did a superb job and all the ladies keep at least part of the outfit on during the scene. It is refreshing to see a movie that hasn’t lost the fine erotic art of sexy clothing. This scene rocks as all the women get licked, poked, prodded or otherwise worked over. Nichole gets a good-looking DP going and there is much rejoicing.
Well, everyone else has had their interview, now it’s time for our leading lady to strut her stuff. And does she ever! Harmony shows up wearing this leather thing with lots of buckles and tall black boots. She looks great and she proceeds to dominate our director and tease his dick mercilessly. Apparently, the sight of her is enough to… er… encourage him to leave a mess all over her boot. To finish of the interview, she goes over to your friendly neighborhood man in a black mask and fucks him, too. This sets up some really memorable images, most notably our man in black sitting down and getting his dick sucked by Harmony. She’s standing up and bending waaaaaay over to reach and with the heels and the stocking and the garters, it just looks awesome. Harmony does a good job at her first sex scene in this movie. I can see why she gets hired.
Finally, we shoot Harmony’s first scene in our director’s new movie. You can tell this is an original porn movie that they are filming, because after shooting the sex by the pool scene, they’re now going to have a scene with a sick person and a voluptuous nurse. Wow. Never seen that before. Anyhow, all of the outfits are severely over the top. Hot pink and other colors that are an assault on the eyes prevail throughout this scene. Still, every single member of the cast except Dru is here and they all go to town on each other. This is a great finale to the movie as everyone gets in on the action. Even the costume girl. Harmony and Caroline both end up on the bed next to each other getting stiff dick and it is shot quite well. Every one of the girls gets a little anal action and the cumshots follow each other quite nicely. With fine flesh like this, you just can’t go wrong.
There is a lot of very good sex in this movie. With the exception of the automobilia scene, they were all good. If I could complain about anything, it would be that every one of these girls has this thing for staring at the camera during the cumshots. No condoms whatsoever.
The Image/Audio:
The image is astoundingly clear on this DVD. Private has always had a good transfer and this is no exception. Everything is crisp and sharp. The final orgy scene is peppered with hot pink, electric blue and other such colors not found in nature. Various colored lights add slight touches to the image and this disc renders them faithfully. The audio is okay. Hearing some of the dialogue took a couple tries and it seems that the microphone wasn’t of any particularly good quality. The background music is pretty much just that. It is mildly obnoxious at times and sounds like the background noise to a particularly violent video game I own on the Playstation console.
The Extras:
Trailer for the movie, cast bios, five trailers for other movies, four different subtitles, film production notes and a featurette detailing Private’s activities at the Cannes Film Festival. The featurette really is a marketing piece for Private and has very little to do with the film. There is some information about making the movie, but it is covered in passing. The menu design is top-notch and the image quality of the extras is very good.
The Good:
Some of the sex is quite good, the image is excellent, some of the girls are amazing and the costumes/outfits are great.
The Bad:
Plot sucks. Dick Nasty.
Overall:
Eh. It was okay. If you are a big anal fan, than you’ll like this disc.
